Half the fun of watching the Food Network’s cooking competition show Chopped is seeing just how absurd the ingredients included in the mystery box are and how the chefs manage to slip them into their dishes. So when SNL decided to parody the cult-favorite cooking show on this weekend’s episode, they had to go really over the top to exaggerate: we’re talking a live kitten on a bun and oversized horse genitalia.
The skit featured Emma Thompson, who was this week’s host, as judge Amanda Freitag, with Aidy Bryant as Alex Guarnaschelli and Alex Moffat as Geoffrey Zakarian. Beck Bennett steps in as host Ted Allen as they skewer the inane confessional-style narratives the competitors give and the overly clarifying statements the judges offer, but the meat of the skit (pun intended) is the ingredients and how the competitors used them.
In the appetizer round, the ingredients were artichoke hearts, passionfruit, loose sugar, and five-pound horse penis. Melissa Villaseñor’s Claire made crispy artichoke hearts on lettuce. Georgina, played by Leslie Jones, gets dinged on this round because, according to Thompson’s Freitag, it was “supposed to be an artichoke slider,” but, chimes in Bryant, “was actually just a kitten on a hamburger bun.” Also, her salad seemed like an afterthought, because it was overdressed — “It didn’t need the full tuxedo, just a tie would have been fine.”
The main course brought Claire only pretending to wash her hands, doing well incorporating the marshmallow fluff into her steak sauce, and cooking a steak that used foul language. Georgina, however served Zakarian divorce papers, then in the dessert round pulls a gun on her competitor to get to the ice cream machine first. Eventually, she served cigarettes put out in that ice cream as her dish. Needless to say, she ends up chopped — but gets the last laugh. “I never signed a release so y’all can’t use any of this!”