The Hallmark channel’s viewing statistics indicate that you are one of our most treasured movie customers this time of year. We really appreciate your business! However, due to some unfortunate incidents, our legal team would like you to agree to a few terms before viewing our movies this year.
By clicking “AGREE” below, you acknowledge the following:
- Binge-watching movies not grounded in reality carries certain risks. These may include avoidance of work, household tasks, and the “Teach Yourself to Knit” video lying in your unopened mail pile.
- You shouldn’t watch the same holiday movie more than 100 times per season. Even we here at Hallmark try to get out and do something else from time to time.
- Made-for-TV movies often feature former teen idols, which may cause you to wax nostalgic about the lost days of your youth. But remember: You made a lot of bad decisions in your youth.
- Games where you drink every time a character says “Christmas spirit” carry certain risks including slurred speech, hangovers, and regrettable texts to your ex. If you partake in a holiday movie drinking game, please consider using non-alcoholic eggnog this year.
- It is extremely uncommon for royalty to be pretending to be just one of us so they can secretly woo you. Real princes and princesses typically embrace their true identities, so they can wear their crowns to the grocery store.
- Taking a job in a small town is not the answer to all your problems. You know what small towns don’t have? Stores that stay open past 8 p.m.
- A winter sleigh ride is not always magical or even enjoyable. It’s like taking a convertible for a spin in January.
- Very little in real life is actually solved by buying a failing candy cane factory. If you want to get into manufacturing, it would be better to purchase a factory with goods that can be sold year-round — like paper clips.
- If someone shows up claiming to be your soul mate/former imaginary friend from childhood, you should google them before accepting any engagement rings.
- You should also run a background check on anyone caring for your children. Particularly if that person claims to be Santa or an elf.
- People who hate Christmas tend to always hate it. Not even a night of skating on a frozen pond under a bunch of twinkling lights will fix that.
- If there is a forecast for a blizzard in your area, you should take reasonable precautions to prepare for it. Don’t assume you will just be snowed in with an attractive stranger who is a much better listener than your fiancé.
- In real life, it is possible to be a successful professional and still take time off for the holidays. Someone who always has to be at work may just be using it as an excuse.
- Signing up for an extreme gingerbread building competition in hopes of meeting a handsome stranger is not the best way to break up with your fiancé. If you are not that into him, you should probably just go ahead and cut ties, Janet.
Thank you for watching Hallmark!